The real life of an over-40 mom

You’re hip, you’re cool...Oh, face it, you’ve crossed the line. Relax and have a laugh about how you’ve changed.

1. You expect your breakfast cereal to cure you, not entertain you.
2. Getting lost in a car is no longer a romantic adventure.
3. You actually think your daughter’s friends are all too thin.
4. You made it all the way to work without noticing that you were wearing one loafer and one clog.
5. You experience wrinkles and pimples simultaneously.
6. You no longer fantasize about marrying into the royal family.
7. Midnight seems awfully late.
8. You now pay close attention to your electric bill.
9. In an argument the other night with the kids, you said, "That’s neither here nor there."
10. When you meet friends for coffee, the first ten minutes are spent on ritual reassurance ("You look so good!" "No, you do!")
11. It’s time to donate all the clothes you once looked cool in to the costume box at the nursery school.
12. When your 25-year-old pregnant neighbor vows that she will never have an epidural, you just smile.
13. All the music in the car belongs to your children.
14. Tears come to your eyes as you fly over the Grand Canyon.
15. You realize that you will never live long enough to finish all the books you’ve put aside to read when you have time.
16. You have trouser socks in every color.
17. Your children have to explain most of the jokes on the Video Music Awards.
18. You put the cat on a low-calorie diet.
19. You’ve memorized the nutritional values of every existing brand of ice cream.
20. You have a definite position on how gravy should be made.
21. You have either mastered parallel parking or given up on it.

by Ann Hodgman and Patricia Marx