Thursday, October 30, 2003

Safety Tips for Homeowners:

1. Replace burned-out bulbs in exterior lights. Leave your exterior lights on later than usual -- perhaps even all night.

2. Clear the pathway. Make sure the path to your door is well lighted and your lawn is clear of things that could be tripped over, such as jack-o'-lanterns with lit candles, ladders, garden hoses, flowerpots, bikes, and animal leashes.

3. Sweep wet leaves from sidewalks and stairs.

4. Keep excitable pets away from the door. You'll have a safer and calmer house if you keep Fido away from where you are dispensing the treats.

5. Put your car in the garage. Lock your garage doors.

Alternative Treats:
Instead of candy, offer these treats:

Halloween stickers
Halloween pencils
Halloween erasers
Sugar-free gum
Plastic spider rings
Small toys
Temporary tattoos
Miniature boxes of raisins
Coins -- how about a new state quarter?
Individual packages of cheese or peanut-butter crackers or pretzels
Boxes of fruit juice
Gel pens
Fast-food coupons
Key chains
Foot bags or squeeze-foam balls


Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Children's Science Exam Answers
These are real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vineger.

Q: Explain one process by which water an be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes the water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants, like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q:How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature hates
a vacum. I forgot where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Thigs to keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., adbomen).
A: The body is consisted into 3 parts- the brainium, the borax and the adbominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, The borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdomnial cavity contains the five vowels, A.E.I.O. and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section".
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q:What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


Sunday, October 12, 2003


Sometimes we need to remember WHAT the Rules of Life really are.

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three alcoholic beverages of any kind.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was: "Go! You might meet somebody!"

7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.

8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"

9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

12. Work is good, but it's not that important.

13. And finally; Be really nice to your friends and family. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.